so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
