I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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