I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
