i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
