I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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