I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
