I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
