How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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