You can't motorboat a personality
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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