Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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