Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
