i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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