He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
