Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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