Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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