My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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