how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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