I just saw a hot homeless man
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
