ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
