is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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