i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize