nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
