My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
