I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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