Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
