Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
