Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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