So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
