Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
