had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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