I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
