So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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