she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
