Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
