i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you had me at cake vodka
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize