Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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