dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
