you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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