Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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