If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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