It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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