My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
