Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Randomize
