I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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