He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
