I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
