Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
