I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
