I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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