The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
