he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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