ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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