don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
