i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
