I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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