How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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