God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
