This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
