$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
