if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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