Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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